No, Raquel didn’t suddenly develop a second personality (yet). She simply bullied a friend into writing for her blog. I might have left her out of options: after all, some of us lack the commitment to write our own blog and so our friends (who are great cheerleaders) will instead insist we contribute for their own. It’s a perfect deal for me: none of the responsibility, all of the followers. (I do get followers for this, right? If not, I also accept chocolates and books).
So, hello. I’m Rita, I’m here to eat Oreos and judge everything – and would you look at that! I’m all out of Oreos. Well, the judging shall remain. (Maybe the real treasure were the things we judged together along the way).
I just asked my friend Sónia to tell me what is awesome about myself so I could write it up and she literally just stood silent and looked at the horizon. Thanks, Sónia.
I suppose we could (should) start at the beginning. I was born and raised in a small town in the middle of nowhere, Portugal, which wasn’t always easy. One could say I grew too much – both literally and metaphorically. So as soon as I could, I and my 1.80m of height got the hell out of there. Lisbon has been a much better fit.
Life is not bad. My life, specifically, is really not bad at all. I even have a job! But is that going to stop me from complaining about it aloud and then also on Twitter? Nope. (Don’t ask for my Twitter account. It’s a state secret.)
You see, I just can’t help feeling like something is missing. Well, not something. I know precisely what’s missing and it’s a couple million in my bank account. Money can absolutely make dreams happen. Dreams like living in New York and stalking J.J. Abrams until he gives me a job on the Star Wars set. All I’m saying is that it’s the world that will be a worse place if I never get to share my (inspiring and amazing) Oscar acceptance speech with anyone besides my bathroom mirror and my hairbrush.
The paragraphs above should give you a bit more insight about me. I’m a giant nerd. I firmly believe that Oreos are God’s gift to mankind. I love cinema. Whenever you’re talking and I’m looking at my phone and nodding along, I am not listening to you because Twitter is just more interesting. I have mastered the art of disguising insecurities with ego-exaggerating humour.
A couple more things: I hate math and love space; the volume of my voice is directly proportional to my height; in another life, I studied History instead of Communications; I’m a Slytherin and I’m angry with Joanne Rowling a lot; when I’m rich I’m going to have my own library at home; I don’t believe in separating the art from the artists; I didn’t like The Last Jedi; Football makes me as excited and upset as movies and Cristiano Ronaldo is a national treasure; I will happily spoil Game of Thrones for you.
And what’s more, I have (not sure how) found a group of friends who are very likely to have stepped out of the scripts of Sex and the City or maybe a telenovela. Suffice to say, there’s drama. A lot of it.
Have I in any way interested you? If yes, good, because this column is supposed to become regular and I have a lot of shit to say. If not, then direct your complaints to – Raquel it’s all her fault!